Jitter Day

It never fails. No matter how prepared I think I am for a model shoot, when the day arrives, I'm terrified. The closer the shoot gets, the more ideas I have, with no time to pull together all of the new aspects. It's like my creativity blossoms under pressure. Sounds good. Feels bad. I second guess myself, often to the point of questioning everything I know. I can't sleep the night before, I doubt my equipment, my experience and my ability. I do this every time I have a big shoot and yet they usually go off quite well.

Actually, in the end, they usually go not just well but amazingly well. I hit the zone while shooting and it's like that movie where the guy sees floating numbers and equations except for me they are emotions and concepts.

I return home spent but elated like I had just run a marathon. A quick look through the images only reinforces that my fears were unfounded. Time to relax.

I go through this cycle every time. I liken it to actors who are terrified of going on stage and then shine. All the nervous energy is the mind and body preparing, like compressing a spring. When the moment arrives, the action is automatic and real with no thought. It just happens. I understand this and wish it was more controllable but maybe if it was, it wouldn't work so well.

On that note, I have a model here doing her makeup in my bathroom. We've been discussing and planning this shoot for two months and now the moment is at hand. She flew here from Stockholm this morning; the costume is done; I checked all my gear last night; we have a rented castle; the lighting equipment is mostly on-site being set up; I'm terrified. Check, check, check, cheek, check, check.

*deep beath*

Let's do this!
Catch ya later.